Healthy Kids • YMCA Child Care
5 ways to tame temper tantrums like an early childhood educator
23 May 2018 - by Sasha Smith
You’re shopping with your preschooler in a crowded mall. They tug on your arm to show you a toy in the window of a store that has caught their attention. After explaining why that stuffed animal won’t be going home with them today, your child begins to whine and then, finally, goes into meltdown mode. By this point, everyone is staring at you. “What do I do now?” you ask yourself.
For the answer to this question (one that almost every parent has asked themselves), we turned to the registered early childhood educators from YMCA of Greater Toronto Child Care programs. Here’s what they had to say about managing temper tantrums:
1. Provide some options
“Once you console your child to a state where they can engage in conversation, offer a compromise. For some children, having choices can help calm them down, especially if frustration or a lack of control are the reasons behind the outburst. When you provide choices, have your child pick between two options that best meet their needs, but also fits your expectations for behaviour. Involving children in decision-making opportunities helps avoid power struggles. Don’t forget: be consistent, stay present, and do your best.”
– Jennifer
2. Let cooler heads prevail
“Crying and yelling are all hallmarks of tantrums, especially when kids are not able to express themselves through words. Although tantrums are stressful for parents, it’s important to allow children express their frustration. When a tantrum arises in our preschool classroom, we give children a moment to cool down, and then discuss with them their feelings. It’s important to keep your composure in these situations. Remember, you’re the child’s role model, so they’re going to react in the same manner they observe.”
– Surayya and Karen
3. Understand your child’s temperament
“Every child is born with a unique temperament which impacts how often and how intense tantrums become. While you can’t prevent all outbursts, understanding your child’s temperament will help you anticipate their responses to certain situations. When dealing with a tantrum, I tell parents to allow their child to release their emotions in a healthy way, and to support them in learning how to cope with their ‘big feelings.’ Things like singing a favourite song, using pictures of different emotions to help non-verbal children express their feelings, having snacks on hand (for those hunger-induced tantrums), and encouraging positive behavior are great techniques for deescalating meltdowns.”
– Summer
4. Validate the feelings behind the tantrum
“As a mom of three and an early childhood educator with 20 years of experience, I know just how challenging the preschool years can be. To make managing tantrums easier, try validating the child’s feelings when they’re upset. It may seem simple, but telling your child that you understand what they’re feeling can have a big impact. Remember to let them know it’s not okay to misbehave and make sure to follow through with any consequences. This will help them to learn boundaries. Be firm, you’re the parent.”
– Bridgette
5. Use the S.L.O.W. strategy
“One effective method of handling temper tantrums that I use is the S-L-O-W strategy:
Show understanding of your child’s emotions in a calm manner. Explain to them that it’s okay to have those feelings, but expressing them in a way that hurts themselves or others is not acceptable
Label the feelings: Talking about the emotions they are experiencing will help them learn how to better manage their feelings.
Observe your child’s reactions to different situations and, if they become upset, try to identify the trigger for their tantrum.
Wait and give your child time to release their feelings and energy. A gentle massage or breathing exercise can help them relax.”
– Jie Jie
This blog post features contributions from YMCA Educators. Our highly trained educators make learning come alive for children by creating opportunities for them to learn and discover. If you’re looking for a rewarding career, visit our website to find out more about opportunities for child care professionals at the YMCA.
For the answer to this question (one that almost every parent has asked themselves), we turned to the registered early childhood educators from YMCA of Greater Toronto Child Care programs. Here’s what they had to say about managing temper tantrums:
1. Provide some options
“Once you console your child to a state where they can engage in conversation, offer a compromise. For some children, having choices can help calm them down, especially if frustration or a lack of control are the reasons behind the outburst. When you provide choices, have your child pick between two options that best meet their needs, but also fits your expectations for behaviour. Involving children in decision-making opportunities helps avoid power struggles. Don’t forget: be consistent, stay present, and do your best.”
– Jennifer
2. Let cooler heads prevail
“Crying and yelling are all hallmarks of tantrums, especially when kids are not able to express themselves through words. Although tantrums are stressful for parents, it’s important to allow children express their frustration. When a tantrum arises in our preschool classroom, we give children a moment to cool down, and then discuss with them their feelings. It’s important to keep your composure in these situations. Remember, you’re the child’s role model, so they’re going to react in the same manner they observe.”
– Surayya and Karen
3. Understand your child’s temperament
“Every child is born with a unique temperament which impacts how often and how intense tantrums become. While you can’t prevent all outbursts, understanding your child’s temperament will help you anticipate their responses to certain situations. When dealing with a tantrum, I tell parents to allow their child to release their emotions in a healthy way, and to support them in learning how to cope with their ‘big feelings.’ Things like singing a favourite song, using pictures of different emotions to help non-verbal children express their feelings, having snacks on hand (for those hunger-induced tantrums), and encouraging positive behavior are great techniques for deescalating meltdowns.”
– Summer
4. Validate the feelings behind the tantrum
“As a mom of three and an early childhood educator with 20 years of experience, I know just how challenging the preschool years can be. To make managing tantrums easier, try validating the child’s feelings when they’re upset. It may seem simple, but telling your child that you understand what they’re feeling can have a big impact. Remember to let them know it’s not okay to misbehave and make sure to follow through with any consequences. This will help them to learn boundaries. Be firm, you’re the parent.”
– Bridgette
5. Use the S.L.O.W. strategy
“One effective method of handling temper tantrums that I use is the S-L-O-W strategy:
Show understanding of your child’s emotions in a calm manner. Explain to them that it’s okay to have those feelings, but expressing them in a way that hurts themselves or others is not acceptable
Label the feelings: Talking about the emotions they are experiencing will help them learn how to better manage their feelings.
Observe your child’s reactions to different situations and, if they become upset, try to identify the trigger for their tantrum.
Wait and give your child time to release their feelings and energy. A gentle massage or breathing exercise can help them relax.”
– Jie Jie
This blog post features contributions from YMCA Educators. Our highly trained educators make learning come alive for children by creating opportunities for them to learn and discover. If you’re looking for a rewarding career, visit our website to find out more about opportunities for child care professionals at the YMCA.
