Healthy Kids • YMCA Child Care
3 tips on managing your expectations during the toddler years
26 April 2018 - by Sasha Smith
Ever wonder why your 3-year-old won’t put their toys away — no matter how many tidy-up songs you teach them? Or why they can’t seem to sit still? The answer is simple: they’re a toddler.
According to a parent survey conducted by early childhood resource group ZERO TO THREE, there’s a substantial gap between what young children are developmentally capable of, and what parents assume to be true about early childhood. We call this the expectation gap, and it can put a great amount of strain on the parent-child relationship. “For example, if a parent thinks a child is capable of greater self-control than he actually is, it can lead to frustration for the parent,” says Matthew Melmed, executive director of ZERO TO THREE. On the other hand, having realistic expectations of a child’s abilities is, as Melmed explains, “critical for supporting healthy development and minimizing stress for both parents and that child.”
So, how do you manage your expectations? Here are three common things parents wish their toddlers would do, and some tips on what to do when these expectations turn out to be too high.
Reality: Learning to share is at the top of the list of skills that parents want their children to acquire, but it’s not an easy one to develop during the early years. “Expecting a toddler to share their toys — or even their space — is unrealistic at this stage of early childhood development,” says Mihaela Steffen,* registered early childhood educator at the YMCA of Greater Toronto. “Toddlers are egocentric, so it’s perfectly natural that they only consider their own needs and wants.” In other words, there’s no need to panic if your son or daughter has yet to grasp the idea of sharing.
How to deal: Although children aren’t capable of sharing until the preschool years, you can begin exposing your toddler to this concept through simple acts such as modeling sharing and practicing taking turns.
Reality: When toddlerhood hits, so do the tantrums. Those tears and ear-shattering screams typical of toddler meltdowns stem from their inability to communicate their needs effectively. Since kids at this age are still developing their language skills, outbursts are their way of showing you they’re frustrated or upset. It’s not until the age of 4, that children start to develop the skills needed to better manage their emotions.
How to deal: There’s no foolproof way to tackle a temper tantrum, but the first rule of getting through one is to stay calm. Next, try to redirect your child’s attention or take them aside to a quite spot so they can calm down. Most importantly, remember to stand your ground and avoid giving into your child’s demands.
Reality: If you’ve got a toddler in your home, you already know how much they love to dump everything onto the floor. And while it may look like they’re making a gigantic mess, there’s actually a lot of learning happening. As toddlers make messes with toys, food, and just about anything they can get their little hands on, they’re exploring, learning cause-and-effect, and building their fine motor skills. As frustrating as it is to constantly tidy up after your little tornado, just remember that they’re doing what’s expected of a kid navigating toddlerhood.
How to deal: Give your toddler an appropriate outlet for dumping. Sensory bins and water-play activities are great ways to help toddlers fulfill their desire for dumping.
*For privacy reasons, the participant has chosen not to use their real name.
According to a parent survey conducted by early childhood resource group ZERO TO THREE, there’s a substantial gap between what young children are developmentally capable of, and what parents assume to be true about early childhood. We call this the expectation gap, and it can put a great amount of strain on the parent-child relationship. “For example, if a parent thinks a child is capable of greater self-control than he actually is, it can lead to frustration for the parent,” says Matthew Melmed, executive director of ZERO TO THREE. On the other hand, having realistic expectations of a child’s abilities is, as Melmed explains, “critical for supporting healthy development and minimizing stress for both parents and that child.”
So, how do you manage your expectations? Here are three common things parents wish their toddlers would do, and some tips on what to do when these expectations turn out to be too high.
Expectation: Your 2-year-old will share nicely with their friends.
Reality: Learning to share is at the top of the list of skills that parents want their children to acquire, but it’s not an easy one to develop during the early years. “Expecting a toddler to share their toys — or even their space — is unrealistic at this stage of early childhood development,” says Mihaela Steffen,* registered early childhood educator at the YMCA of Greater Toronto. “Toddlers are egocentric, so it’s perfectly natural that they only consider their own needs and wants.” In other words, there’s no need to panic if your son or daughter has yet to grasp the idea of sharing.
How to deal: Although children aren’t capable of sharing until the preschool years, you can begin exposing your toddler to this concept through simple acts such as modeling sharing and practicing taking turns.
Expectation: Your 2-year-old will react calmly when things do not go their way.
Reality: When toddlerhood hits, so do the tantrums. Those tears and ear-shattering screams typical of toddler meltdowns stem from their inability to communicate their needs effectively. Since kids at this age are still developing their language skills, outbursts are their way of showing you they’re frustrated or upset. It’s not until the age of 4, that children start to develop the skills needed to better manage their emotions.
How to deal: There’s no foolproof way to tackle a temper tantrum, but the first rule of getting through one is to stay calm. Next, try to redirect your child’s attention or take them aside to a quite spot so they can calm down. Most importantly, remember to stand your ground and avoid giving into your child’s demands.
Expectation: Your 3-year-old will choose playthings from their toy basket without dumping its entire contents onto the floor.
Reality: If you’ve got a toddler in your home, you already know how much they love to dump everything onto the floor. And while it may look like they’re making a gigantic mess, there’s actually a lot of learning happening. As toddlers make messes with toys, food, and just about anything they can get their little hands on, they’re exploring, learning cause-and-effect, and building their fine motor skills. As frustrating as it is to constantly tidy up after your little tornado, just remember that they’re doing what’s expected of a kid navigating toddlerhood.
How to deal: Give your toddler an appropriate outlet for dumping. Sensory bins and water-play activities are great ways to help toddlers fulfill their desire for dumping.
*For privacy reasons, the participant has chosen not to use their real name.
